Damn you, Detective!—a Science-Fiction Crime Story by S.T. Fargo

A failed private eye on the brink of bankruptcy, a blonde bombshell with rough manners and lots of dough in her pockets, and an extravagant DEA officer with dangerously kinky obsessions—all in an outsourced case in which everyone knows everything except the PI who is supposed to investigate it. It’s a crazy and wild absurdist book (a hilarious novel of detective fiction, political satire, and a crime story with sci-fi twists) that leads to a ridiculously unavoidable end.

“The dream I had that night left me flabbergasted. It was such a crazy thing that I couldn’t even believe my mind imagined it in the first place. I dreamed that Lincoln had come to our time and zealously begged the President of the United States to teach him how to play the saxophone. Right in front of the President, the guest from David Letterman’s show—the lady who looked like an old potato—kneeled, taking his socks off while giving him a surprisingly skillful blowjob with a reverent expression on her face.

Near the two, I saw Jefferson hanging around with a scruffy draft of the Constitution in his hands. He looked confused and desperate, trying to figure out which amendment to take out so he could add a new one, according to which the President was obliged to receive at least four blowjobs from his subordinates every single day. The goal was to achieve full transparency on the matter, eliminate potential public scandals, and, at the same time, allow the head of state to attend to his duties completely satisfied and undistracted by sexual tension.

The only problem was that the volume was already full, and all the amendments were so relentlessly referring to one another—sometimes mutually exclusive—that it was simply impossible to add anything else. Eventually, Jefferson found himself at his wit’s end and scribbled the new amendment on a ragged piece of paper, attaching it to the last page of the volume with a giant yellow paperclip. The journalists immediately nicknamed the text “Jefferson’s loose amendment” and took turns shaking his hand and taking pictures of him embracing the United States Constitution in various poses…”

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